That Confidence Game

Gypsy with a Cigarette by Édouard Manet.

That Confidence Game

How does one attain confidence? That holy grail of personal esteem?

Just like most good things in life, it comes through the method which tries the least to achieve it. The method that involves having bigger things on your mind than the outcome that can be prestigiously shown.

Confidence is that thing which we all admire, yet it is the product of a genuine indifference to be seen as the contrary.

So when you stand before others, and you will if you do anything worthwhile, you will almost certainly be scared. Scared not of what you look like, sound like, or seem like, but of what others will think you look, sound, and seem like.

Anticipate this, because if you are like most of us, you are still so naive from the existential position in which you stand.

But, just because you are scared doesn’t mean that your words must come from the same place. In saying those things which make you feel stronger, there is the potential for you to open up and approach that place where the elevated memetic of the person you aspire to be can sing through. Where that person can come to life, if only for a brief moment where you no longer hold any concern related to the petty trivialities of life that bake the rest of us to the ground.

In this place, you are not speaking with certainty and if you get the impression that you are, you have gone in the entirely wrong direction. You are instead, speaking from a place where you are paying due tribute to the ideas that you believe can help others.

They are not absolute prescriptions, but they, if articulated well, tease out the point that holds the potential to shift one’s perspective and shine a new light on dark graves.

There comes a point, after doing this so many times and after facing the harshest truths, that you will hold no second thoughts.

You are going to die, and you may not feel the severity of that right now, but that is only because it’s an idea that you have never sufficiently approached the reality of.

I say this not to scare you and not to shame you, I say it because this is the life that you and I get to live. To hold on and carry the weight of “what ifs” is too much to bear, and though this thing is going to be hard, why make it any harder than it has to be.

The confidence you seek cannot help you in the same way the cart cannot pull the horse.

What makes you lose the need to feel confident?

What makes you lose the desire to appear as if you could be “enough”?

What brings joy to your life after the fact that it put you in your place and showed you how much of a fool you can really be?

How can you bring yourself closer to death, so that you may emerge closer to life?

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